Is your first line strong enough? 💪

Critiquing 10 opening lines submitted by you (!) and discussing why they work — or don't

Your opening line has one critical job…

To grab our attention and make us want to continue reading.

But is yours achieving that?

I had so much fun workshopping your opening sentences last month on YouTube that I decided to share 10 more examples today! For each one, I’ll share whether I think it’s a strong first line as-is, or, if it’s not quite there yet, how I might revise it.

If you’re a paid subscriber and submitted your line, be sure to read through until the end — you might see it down below.

Thank you so much to all the wonderful and brave authors who submitted!

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1. New Adult Fantasy Romance

Evie jolted upright in bed, her breath sharp and ragged, the edges of a dream slipping away like smoke.

While the imagery here is lovely, starting with a character jolting awake has become a big cliché in fiction. Anytime I see a novel open with a scene like this, I raise the question: is this actually the most interesting and compelling entry point to the story?

Since the dream is clearly causing Evie’s emotional distress, it’d likely be more interesting to open with a snippet of the dream itself (though admittedly that can be its own cliché), or even better, opening with a moment where Evie has to confront the actual source of that distress in her real life.

Rather than starting with Evie waking up, start with the moment in her day where she confronts her inner conflict. Then, later in the story, you can show a dream that illuminates her stress or anxiety, and it will land with so much more impact since we’ll have already gotten our footing in her real-life situation.

2. Adult Fiction

Vivienne had been thinking about killing him for some time now.

This is a strong opening line! It’s concise, unexpected, and immediately sparks questions: Who is “him” referring to? Why does Vivienne want to kill him?

Sure, this kind of opener has been done before, but it can still be effective, especially if the scene that follows feels fresh and unique.

3. Romance

Possessively clutching his nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels as if someone was going to take it from him, Cray Talon, eyes closed and body swaying to music no longer playing, remained lost in his own hazy world of drug fueled fiends knowing eventually Shep would come for him.

There’s definitely strong atmosphere here, but the wordiness slows the momentum and diverts our attention to a few too many elements: the nearly empty bottle of Jack, Cray swaying to music no longer playing, the “drug fueled fiends,” and the conflict with Shep. I’m not sure what to focus on.

This author might consider starting with something a bit snappier, like, “Cray knew Shep would come for him eventually,” and then layering in those rich sensory details in the lines that follow. That way, they can first establish the intrigue (Who are Cray and Shep? Why would one be coming for the other?) before immersing us in Cray’s hazy state.

Remember that the first line doesn’t have to set the entire scene, just establish enough intrigue to pull us in.

Keep reading for 7 more first line critiques! ⬇️